


Waves

by Ottermouse



Category: Ookiku Furikabutte | Big Windup!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Angst with a Happy Ending, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-21 11:24:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6049876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ottermouse/pseuds/Ottermouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been fifteen years since Abe has seen Mihashi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Floating

**Author's Note:**

> Thank so much to my wonderful beta [Lokh](http://lokh.tumblr.com)!!! Please check out [their artwork](http://lokh.tumblr.com/tagged/art), it's very beautiful and they take commissions, too!

Abe Takaya’s life was okay.

He lived in a small, one bedroom apartment. He worked from eight to three at a sports equipment store, and four days a week he coached the boy’s baseball team for a local elementary school. Some nights he’d hit the bar before going to bed and others he’d just drink while watching TV on his couch. Today was a bar day.

“Hey, Hanai.” Abe slid onto a stool by the counter and waved to his friend behind it, who was preparing a drink. Upon seeing him, the bartender’s face lit up and a smile spread across his face.

“Hey! Gimme a sec.” Hanai stuck a slice of lime onto the rim of the glass and handed the drink to someone a little ways down from Abe. “I haven’t seen you around in a while, what’s up? Want the usual?”

“That’d be great, thanks.” Abe placed both elbows on the counter, back hunching over automatically. “I’ve been more busy since baseball season started. We’ve got actual games set up now so I have to try to get them to stop slacking off.”

Hanai laughed, turning around to start on Abe’s drink. “Seriously? Aren’t they like six years old or something?”

“That’s when I started coaching them. Most of ‘em are around eight or nine now. Man, they grow up fast.” _Or maybe I’ve just gotten old_. Abe scratched the back of his head and sighed.

“Speaking of which,” Hanai moved his head to point in the direction of the TV in the corner. Abe looked over and immediately became stiff.

The camera framed the face of a reporter speaking into a microphone, but then zoomed out to show the man standing next to her. The man was of average height and build, wearing a slightly dirtied baseball uniform. His shoulders were wider and facial structure more pronounced, but the sparkle in those eyes and the bird-like curvature of the mouth were distinctive. It was Mihashi Ren. Abe’s old teammate and close friend on his high school baseball team.

The reporter held out a microphone for him to speak into. It was a little hard to hear over the general conversation of the other people in the bar, but he could make out a little of the interview.

“ _Nearly ten years...best pitcher...retire after this...true?_ ”

Abe turned back around; he didn’t want to see, or hear any more. Hanai slid his drink up to him, looking at him inquisitively. Abe glanced down and loosely took the glass into his hand.

“You still haven’t talked to him?”

Hanai hardly ever brought up the pitcher around Abe, why did he have to do it now? It wasn’t something he wanted to talk about and had made it clear in the past.

“What’s the point?” Abe continued to ignore the bartender’s gaze.

“You know, it’s probably not too late. I’m sure Ren would love to hear from you even now.”

Abe’s foot began to bounce restlessly and he gripped his drink tighter. “No.”

“You sure? I mean it’s been what, fifteen years? He deserves at least an explanation why-”

“Shut up!” Abe banged on the counter with his fist. He let out several fast, deep breaths. _How dare he. How_ dare _he!_  He downed his drink, slamming the glass hard on the bartop and slid off the stool with a huff. He grabbed a few bills from his wallet before crumpling them and throwing them carelessly next to his empty cup, then stomped out the door.

It was springtime, and the weather was still working off the chill of winter, causing Abe to flip the hood of his jacket over his head and stuff his hands into his pockets. The wind allowed the old catcher to turn his anger into the strength he needed to work against it on his way home. The cold helped him keep his mind off of things he didn’t want to remember.

His face felt frozen by the time he returned to his apartment, and he immediately went into the bathroom to splash his red cheeks with warm water. As he wiped himself dry with a towel, he found himself staring at his own reflection in the mirror. His hair was cut shorter than it was in high school, and he could see a gray hair or two sticking out from the black. The area around his eyes looked like two dark holes in the center of his face, and he had a scruff he’d been putting off shaving. He looked tired and unkempt, and he should do something about it… tomorrow. He threw the towel back on its rack and left the bathroom.

He didn’t want to think about it. He changed into pajamas trying not to think about it, and he went into bed trying not to think about it. He spent years trying to push away all the feelings that he had had about his old teammate. Trying not to remember what he had allowed to happen to their relationship.

He knew it was all his fault. Mihashi deserved to be on a professional team, receiving multiple awards and getting into the hall of fame. He deserved all of the positive attention and fans after everything that had happened to him in the past. He deserved it.

And Abe deserved to be here. Lying alone in bed on a cold spring night in his small apartment, in a small town, working a boring day job, wishing that he could go back and change everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For a while it was a tossup between Hanai or Tajima as the bartender, but then I saw [this](http://bakpaocoklat.tumblr.com/post/112314878534) fanart and was like "It has to be Hanai now"


	2. Crashing

Abe was exhausted. Baseball season had just ended, which meant that he had had to deal with a group of twenty-some elementary school boys at a pizza parlor last night for several hours. He enjoyed teaching them, but the end-of-the-season parties were not necessarily something he looked forward to. Especially when some of the boys’ mothers would not _leave him alone_. Yes, he was very single, but he also happened to be very gay; something he was not about to tell them, for it more or less guaranteed that he would get fired.

So he was back at the counter of Hanai’s bar. His friend hadn’t brought up Mihashi again since a few months ago, and though he felt bad about it, Abe never apologized for yelling at him, either. It was easier to just pretend it didn’t happen. Anyway, he didn’t plan on spending too much time there, he just wanted to complain to his old captain and have a drink that would let him sleep easy. He set out to leave after twenty minutes, having said his piece and emptied his glass.

As he began stepping down from his stool, he heard the bell above the door ring out, and the noise in the bar suddenly died down. He glanced up towards the door and froze. He was 110% sure that the alcohol (what little he drank of it) had gotten to him. One of the two people who had entered met his eyes, and after a few seconds, came running up to him.

“Takaya!” the person wrapped their arms around him tightly. Abe stayed still, unable to believe what was happening to him.

“Takaya…” the person pulled themselves away from his body, and cupped his face with their hands, saying his name over and over again joyously.

Those eyes, shining with the same brightness as they had back then. That hair, appearance like a bird's nest and a healthy glow of orange-yellow. The voice, speaking his first name low and intimately. He could not deny it any longer.

“R...Ren?” It felt awkward saying it after so long. Was it even alright for him to call this person Ren?

But he beamed that smile Abe was so familiar with, saying, “I knew it was you! I haven’t seen you in so long- what are you doing here?”

“Well I- I live in this area and since Hanai works here I come hang out all the time.”  He could barely organize his thoughts, still unable to accept that this was really happening. “What are _you_  doing here?”

“I came to visit Hanai, too! He’s been inviting me for so long but because of work I’ve been busy-”

“Mihashi? Who is this?” A man slightly taller than Mihashi came up from behind him, looking quizzically at Abe.

“Oh my gosh, I almost forgot! Takaya, this is my boyfriend, Nohara Takuya! I’ve told you about him, right? My catcher in high school.” The last part was directed towards the unfamiliar man.

“Call me Nohara.” He stuck out his hand, but his face remained flat. His hair was black and slightly shaggy, going to just below his ears. His expression seemed to be the kind that appeared naturally angry, and his thin framed glasses didn’t help the look.

“Abe.”

Abe shook Mihashi’s boyfriend’s hand (whose grip was insanely strong) and noticed the way that he pointedly slung his arm around Mihashi’s waist and pulled him closer, glaring. Mihashi didn’t appear to care, turning his head towards the counter, chatting it up with Hanai.

As he looked closer at the man, something clicked in Abe’s mind. “Wait, aren’t you their team manager?”

Nohara raised an eyebrow at him. His muscles stiffened in a way that made it look like he was preparing for an attack. “And?”

“No, it’s just, I didn’t recognize you until now, is that how you and Mihashi met?”

Nohara suddenly smiled smugly.

“Yeah, it is. I’ve been their manager for 10 years. After knowing each other for so long it just became natural for us to date.” He turned and gave Mihashi a kiss on the cheek. It caused the orange haired man to look at his boyfriend and blush before being brought in for a deep kiss on the lips.

It bugged Abe, seeing the way this guy was manhandling Mihashi. And for all he boasted about them being boyfriends they were still using each other’s last names.

“Hey, keep it PG with the PDA or I’m gonna have to kick you out,” Hanai called out jokingly, and the two broke their kiss. “Why don’t I let you all into the VIP room to catch up?” he suggested.

“That sounds great! But is that really okay?”

“Ren, you are the definition of a VIP of course it’s okay.” Hanai grabbed some keys and gestured for the trio to follow him to a private area. The VIP room had big comfy looking couches and a nice table, as well as a karaoke machine in the corner. Mihashi went in first, admiring it, Nohara in suit.

Abe pulled Hanai aside, before entering.

“You invited him here?” he hissed.

“Yeah, he’s my _friend_. Just cause you fucked up your relationship with him doesn’t mean that I did. Abe,” the bartender sighed. “I know that I’m being a little selfish here, but I’d rather you two be friends again than… whatever you’ve been until now. It’s obviously something that’s been bothering you for a while; this could your chance to try to, you know, fix it.”

Abe couldn’t dispute the words of his former captain. So he swallowed his pride and stepped inside the room, Hanai following behind and taking orders for drinks.

The three chatted as they waited, though it felt more like a one-sided bragging contest. Nohara tried to one-up nearly everything Abe said by listing off either his or Mihashi’s own accomplishments, making his boyfriend complain and playfully whine “oh, stop it” several times. Nohara also made a big show of how ‘couple-y’ the two were, constantly kissing and running his hands over the Mihashi’s body. It made Abe want to roll his eyes into his head. When Hanai returned, the bright green drink he handed to Abe was clearly not what he had ordered, but one look told him that if he didn’t drink it, his former captain would surely kill him. It only took one sip before he realized that Hanai was trying to get him to get along with the other two. Even if it meant getting him wasted with a drink that probably had an alcohol percentage past 80.

Within half an hour the group was drunk and trying to figure out how to work the karaoke machine. Mihashi sang current top 20 pop songs, Nohara went with the sappy love songs, and Abe just went with whatever songs he could find that he knew (mostly older ones). He couldn’t really tell if they were _good_ at singing, but he clapped and banged the tambourine along to each song.

After an hour (or had it been two?) Abe realized that Nohara wasn’t _that_  bad of a guy. The stories he told were funny and it was obvious from the way that he looked at him that he liked Mihashi quite a lot. Admittedly, they were actually kinda cute together.

At one point, Nohara left to go to the restroom, leaving the other two to their karaoke shenanigans. Even though Abe was only half aware of his surroundings due to the drinks he had, he was lurched back into consciousness when he felt Mihashi crawl into his lap, singing some vulgar pop song he didn’t know. He leaned in closer to Abe, the mic sliding forgotten out of his hand onto the couch. He wrapped his arms around Abe’s neck, still singing, the smell of alcohol filling Abe’s mouth and nose. Mihashi began grinding down on his lap, and he didn’t know if it was because he hadn’t had a partner in so long, but Abe’s pants immediately felt tighter than usual, and he had to clutch at the vinyl fabric of the couch to keep himself from thrusting his hips.

Mihashi placed his lips close to Abe’s ears.

“Do you want me?” he whispered. Abe couldn’t tell if it was part of the song or an actual question, but he felt a shiver run through his whole body. Mihashi pulled away and began running his fingers down Abe’s chest.

_Yes_ , he wanted to say. _Yes yes yes I've wanted you since high school, please, take me_. His lips were now so close that if he leaned forward just the slightest bit he could take them. _Please, dump him and go out with me._

But then the song ended, and Mihashi grabbed the mic, pushed himself off of Abe's lap and began flipping through the song book once more as if nothing had happened.

Abe sat there stunned, and as Nohara returned, he mumbled out that he needed to go to the bathroom as well and ran out of the room. He didn’t want to risk Nohara seeing how his boyfriend had made his body react. As dirty as it was, as much as it reminded him of when he was a teenager, Abe quickly got off in the toilet stall, thoughts consumed with the memory of Mihashi’s touch and words.

When he returned to the VIP room, Mihashi and Nohara were making out half naked on the couch, and Abe bit his lip, stopping himself from saying something sarcastic. Instead, he grabbed whichever colorful drink was closest to him and gulped it down. He brought the glass down onto the table with a bang, taking the karaoke remote in his hands and choosing a random song. The couple separated, looking frazzled as they attempted to put their shirts back on. Mihashi grabbed the tambourine and began to shake it more or less to the beat of the song while Nohara continued to nuzzle his head into his boyfriend’s neck. Abe just closed his eyes and did his best to dismiss his resurfacing feelings, focusing instead on trying to have a fun night.

They sang until their throats gave out. Drinks littered the table, and no one could hardly say a word before they all cracked up for no reason. After much back and forth, Mihashi paid the bill, and after saying goodbye to Hanai, they all left the bar in high spirits. Mihashi hailed a cab as Nohara and Abe attempted to sing some song they both liked. The old catcher’s mind was so hazy he could barely recall the lyrics or what the song was, but for some reason that was funny, and the two laughed so hard they couldn’t stand. To be honest, the cab driver probably would’ve kicked them out for their loud, obnoxious behavior if it weren’t for the fact that a world-famous baseball player was with them. They dropped Abe off by his apartment, but not before Mihashi nearly pulled down his pants while exiting the car, begging him for his number. Abe complied, though to be honest he wasn’t entirely sure if he had been able to successfully press the correct digits on the touch screen. If not, he could always go to Hanai. His drunken state became more of a hassle and he could feel a headache coming on as he struggled to brush his teeth and wash his face. After throwing himself onto his bed, he pulled up the pictures that had been taken that night on his phone. They were mostly blurry with bad lighting, but they were enough for Abe to reach between his legs with desire and for guilt to fill his mind as he got off on the friend he hadn't seen in so long. At that point, his mind was screaming at him to sleep and he passed out.

As he slept, the screen of his phone lit up, indicating a new message.


	3. Sinking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor warning for non-consensual kissing

Abe wasn't that much of a cook. His cabinets were full of instant microwaveable food and refrigerator with some alcohol and random condiments. However, living alone for so long, he knew how to make a thing or two. He just needed to make a trip to the grocery store.

Mihashi had texted him and they decided that they'd have dinner together. At Abe’s apartment. Without Nohara. Abe’s excuse for suggesting his place was that it'd give the baseball star more privacy. That, and the small town didn't have any great fancy restaurants.

He hoped Mihashi was alright with spaghetti. He wished that he knew how to make something more traditionally Japanese, but he wasn't about to call his mom and ask. She would just turn the conversation into a game of Twenty Questions that he really did not want to play.

As he waited for the water to boil, Abe looked down at his chest. Let's face it; it’d been years since he'd had a proper workout and being a baseball coach for a bunch of elementary school kids wasn't that great of a replacement. His stomach was pudgy, and he resisted the urge to reach down and pinch his skin to see how much fat had accumulated. He had never given that much thought to his appearance, but suddenly, he wanted to look good for Mihashi. He couldn't imagine what had been going through the other man’s head that night, but compared to one of the top baseball stars in the country, there was no way his body could compare.

Things seemed to have gone well for Mihashi. He had been accepted into a top university in Tokyo on a baseball scholarship, offered a spot on a pro team upon graduation, and was a household name within baseball circles. Actually, Abe was pretty sure that even people who didn't watch baseball at least recognized the name. He was retiring at the top of his game and even had a boyfriend that cared a lot about him.

And what had Abe done? He’d graduated from a local college with a business degree, floating through friends and jobs before Hanai called him up out of the blue, saying that the sports store in his town had a job offering. Then people found out that he used to play baseball and he got roped into coaching.

That's where Abe had been for the past several years. Life static, nothing changing except for the height of his students and the number of grey hairs on his head. He looked down again. And the growing pudge of his stomach.

* * *

 The noodles were all cooked and resting in a colander in the sink. He had water, tea, and coffee, so he hoped Mihashi liked one of those. He was just turning the heat off the sauce when the doorbell rang.

Abe wiped his hands on a towel and headed towards the door. Mihashi was waiting on the other side, wearing a hat and sunglasses to hide his appearance a bit, as well faded blue jeans and a dark green jacket. In his left hand he was carrying a small bag.

“Hey. You look... nice.” He cursed his hesitation.

“Yeah, you too.” Mihashi held out the bag for Abe. “I hope this is appropriate but I felt kind of bad coming empty handed.”

Abe took the bag. “You didn't need to bring anything, thank you! Uh, come on in.”

Abe moved away from the door so that Mihashi could enter. He walked inside, slipping off his shoes and taking off his hat and sunglasses. He pulled his hoodie over his head as well, causing his shirt to rise slightly and for Abe to get a glimpse of his abs. _Oh my god._  He wanted Mihashi so bad.

“W-where should I put this?” Mihashi had folded his things nicely into a stack and held them in his hands.

“Here, I'll take them,” Abe offered. He took the garments and placed them on one of the empty chairs at his table. He turned, looking for Mihashi (which was silly as his apartment was so small) and found him leaning against the counter, absentmindedly staring at the sink in front of him. He looked so… calm, yet powerful, and Abe really wanted to take a-

He whipped out his phone from his back pocket and snapped a quick photo.

“I just finished cooking so if you're hungry we can eat now,” he said, making his way back to the kitchen.

Mihashi started a bit, before smiling sheepishly. “Yeah that sounds great- I'm starving.”

They placed the noodles and sauce in bowls separately, and brought them to the table. Mihashi’s gift had been one of an expensive wine, so they opened that and poured it into glasses. They put food on their plates and sat down, across from each other, sipping the wine as they ate. The silence that settled between them felt awkward and stuffy to Abe, so he tried thinking of something to talk about.

“So I uhh, noticed you don’t stutter as much as you used to. Not that that’s bad, I mean, it’s awesome! But it’s a little weird talking to you like...normally.”

“Yeah!” He didn’t seem to know whether to smile or be embarrassed about it, and his expression changed between the two. “Being on the Nishiura team helped boost my confidence a lot! But I started counseling in college, and that helped me learn some techniques. A-and having to be interviewed all the time for baseball, I got a lot of practice! So, I hardly stutter now! Except when I get nervous, you know…”

“That’s great! You’ve come a long way!”

Mihashi beamed. “I have!”

That seemed to lighten the mood, and they began talking about Mihashi’s experience being in the major leagues, and Abe’s work as well as his coaching. Mihashi still talked often with Tajima, who had been recruited to a different team after graduation. He’d gotten married and had two kids, and they met up regularly apparently. Actually, Abe found out that Mihashi met with almost all their old teammates regularly. It wasn’t even his first time in town, yet the two hadn’t managed to cross paths. Not that Abe had been wanting that before. It wasn’t until it seemed that their conversation was about to die down that Abe brought up the topic he’d been avoiding for as long as possible.

“So… how’s Nohara?”

“He’s fine. He's resting in the hotel room I think. I mean, we've only been dating for a little while but he's a nice guy, you know?”

“Oh. He made it sound like you'd been together for a while.”

“Well, we've known each other for a few years, being the team manager and all. He asked me out after we won our last game and it was hard to say no. Especially since like, the whole team was there when he asked…”

_So you don't actually really like him..._

“But, um,” Mihashi stuttered. “What about you? Dating anyone?”

That was not a question that Abe necessarily wanted to answer. Even though he’d yet to get any extreme reaction from the people he’d told, it was always nerve wracking.

“No, it's been a while. When you live in a small town it's hard to find…other... ” He glanced up quickly and then down. “Guys…”

“Oh. Oh!” Mihashi’s eyes grew wide. “You're also… I mean! Umm, when did you, ahh, know?” He began to fidget with his eating utensils.

“Since middle school. I used to be really, er, infatuated with Haruna.” He let out a shaky laugh.

Mihashi’s face turned red. “OH! Then, did you like anyone at Nishiura?”

Abe contemplated on whether or not to lie. “Uhh, yeah.” He swallowed nervously. _Please don't ask, please don't ask._

“I...I did, too.” If possible, Mihashi’s face grew even more red.

Abe could barely keep his hands to himself. He wanted to pull the other man out of his chair and into his arms. _Don't ask who, don't ask who_ , he told himself. After that, an awkward silence grew between them that continued throughout the rest of their meal.

They gathered all the plates and put them in the sink, not speaking. Abe washed as Mihashi dried them. The silence settled even deeper.

He wished that he could tell him how bad he felt. Mihashi had changed so much you could see it in his aura. He no longer needed the constant affirmation he had in high school. He was standing on his own two feet, and had been for a while, not needing Abe anymore. As he stood by the sink, looking down and washing dishes, Abe felt feelings that he hadn't had for years swell up in him again and he couldn't control himself. He finished the last plate and handed it to the other, their fingers touching. He looked up at Mihashi, who smiled slightly, and he couldn’t hold it in anymore.

He grabbed Mihashi’s shoulder and roughly yanked it so their bodies were facing each other. Startled, Mihashi dropped the plate into the sink. Abe looked into Mihashi’s wide confused eyes, feeling himself get drawn deeper into them.

“Ren…” He took a step forward and kissed him. He moved his arms so they wrapped around Mihashi’s shoulders and waist, pulling them closer together.

It felt so good. Having Mihashi like this. His body was Abe’s. His lips were Abe's. His hair and teeth and tongue were Abe's. His hand and the fingers digging into his sides were Abe's. He wanted every part of him to be Abe's. As much as he did when he was 17 he _wanted_ him.

He parted his lips from Mihashi’s briefly before pecking him over and over with light kisses quickly in succession. “I love you,” he said in-between them. “I love you so much.” He pressed his tongue urgently onto Mihashi’s mouth, wanting to taste every part of him. He moved a hand down to cup Mihashi’s backside and rutted against him, deep into this feeling that was consuming his mind and his actions: only wanting to _get off_.

And then he was against the wall. His hands were empty and his head hurt and he couldn’t comprehend what had just happened. He tried to look up, eyes clouded and unfocused from the sudden pain. Fists were pounding at his chest, causing him to have trouble breathing.

“How could you?!” The voice was unfamiliar, filled with horror and betrayal.

“R...Ren? What are you saying? What did I-”

“How _could_ you? You know I have a boyfriend how could you do that!” His whole body was bristled up like a cat, eyes burning, beating away at Abe.

“Ren, I-”

“And h...how _dare_ you say you l-love me! I, I- I haven’t seen you in f-ffforever! Where were you?” His voice started to shake and Mihashi balled Abe’s shirt in his fists, pulling him so they could see into each other’s eyes. Abe saw them burning with rage and contempt, and...something else. He’d never experienced Mihashi like this and honestly, he was scared. “Where were you when I was alone and isolated? Where were you when I begged for your help? I thought you had f...ffforgotten about me, that you met people b-better than me and stopped caring!”

“I was scared, I-”

“I WAS SCARED, TOO!” Abe felt his head being rammed into the wall once more. It was painful, but at the same time he couldn’t help but feel like he deserved it. “B-but at least I actually tried! I d-ddid my best to com...com...communicate with you! I went to counselling because of it! But you never replied, or called back, or l-let me know you were there!” His breath was coming out more more raggedly.

“I’m sorry-”

“You were my ROCK! You, I thought we could make it through anything!” Mihashi’s fists loosened, and the anger had left his eyes, leaving behind a look of betrayal. “I looked up to you! I respected you as a friend and as a teammate, I- goddamnit, I _liked_ you! But then you just disappeared! And...and it’s been so long I thought, I thought I was over you! Then I saw you at the bar and everything just came rushing back but I don’t even know if, if you’re the same person I knew back then.”

Mihashi was choking on his words now, and Abe was afraid to look at him. “You can’t drop out of my life then say you love me.” He let go of Abe’s shirt and fell to the ground, hugging his knees and burying his face in them.

He was right. He abandoned Mihashi after high school. It wasn’t intentional by any means, it just happened. Mihashi got into a great college in Tokyo with a baseball scholarship along with Tajima, while Abe just went to one locally. He told Mihashi he’d keep in touch and he meant it, but college was busier and more difficult than he thought it would be. Especially when it looked like Mihashi was having such a great time on all his social media posts. Abe had joined the baseball team in his college, but an injury and then low grades got him kicked off the team. He became disheartened and reclusive. He felt like he no longer deserved to be a part of Mihashi’s world and stopped returning his calls and texts. He cut Mihashi out of his life without explanation, and without considering how Mihashi was feeling. By the time he realized what he had done, years had passed and he was too embarrassed to try to contact and apologize to him. Especially since by then he was rising in fame; why should he make time for Abe? When he had finally gathered enough courage to call Mihashi’s old number, he was met with an unknown number message and found that he had been blocked from all of Mihashi’s old media accounts.

“You’re right,” Abe was finally able to let out. He slid down the wall and sat with his knees drawn up, just like Mihashi’s were next to him. “I’m sorry.” He knew it wasn’t enough- not after all these years, but he couldn’t think of anything else to say.

The Mihashi next to him looked more like the one that he knew than from when they met at the bar. He was shaking, crying into his lap, and suddenly, Abe didn’t feel like they were 36 anymore. He felt 17 again and he wanted to put his arms around the other boy, intertwine their hands and comfort him. But he was sure that that was the last thing Mihashi wanted, so he stayed where he was, watching his form until his tears stopped.

When Mihashi finally looked up, face puffy and full of snot, Abe got up and ran to the bathroom, taking the roll of toilet paper out from the holder before returning quickly to the kitchen, handing it to the pitcher. Mihashi took them, blowing his nose.

“Thanks,” he murmured off to the side, pushing himself up off the ground.

It looked like the other man was itching to leave, but Abe didn’t want to let it end that way. “Mihashi, I-” he reached out and touched the other’s arm, who immediately flinched away.

“Mihashi I understand what I did and I regret it so much, please believe me, I didn’t know how much it had hurt you I, I thought that you’d be happier without me. I...I thought you wouldn’t want me anymore, that you didn’t need me anymore.”

Mihashi turned quietly to look at Abe. “You’re right. I don’t need you.” Mihashi stepped closer, bringing his hand up and cupping one of Abe’s cheeks, stroking it gently with his thumb. “But I want you.” He no longer looked angry, just exhausted.

For a moment, Abe thought that Mihashi was going to kiss him, but he moved away without doing so, heading towards the door. Abe went and got Mihashi’s coat from his chair at the table and handed it to him. He slipped it on.

“Can we still be friends again?” He wanted to know. No- he _needed_ to know.

Mihashi looked straight at him, fingers curled around the handle. “We’ll see.”

He put on his hat and sunglasses, stepped out of the apartment, and let the door click shut behind him.


	4. Rising

It had been three days since Mihashi's visit and Abe felt as if he was about to go crazy. For the past few years, his days had been the same: wake up, go to work, coach, drink, go home. Continuous and mindless. He never had to really worry or think about anything serious unless it had to do with his bills. But now, his thoughts were nigh-constantly being interrupted by _him_. It was infuriating. Abe just wanted to get this over with. He wanted to know whether he should go on ignoring Mihashi's existence like he had been, or if he could start treating him as a friend again. This middle ground where everything was up in the air was driving him insane.

In the end, it took another excruciatingly long day before he received a text from Mihashi.

[Can you meet me at Hanai's bar tonight?]

Abe didn't even bother to glance at his calendar.

[Yes.]

* * *

 

He knew that he was early, but his lack of sleep the previous night and non-stop thoughts since the text had made him so jittery and restless he couldn’t help it. While he was there, though, he thought he might as well grab a table for them.

He waved to Hanai, who waved back and called him over.

"Mihashi's in the back," he said, wiping his hands on a towel. So Abe wasn't the only one who wanted to get this thing to get this over with.

He followed the bartender into a private room different from the one he’d been in previously. It seemed to have a more professional air about it. It was smaller, with two couches facing each other and  table in-between. A TV was hung in the corner but there was no karaoke machine. Mihashi was already sitting on one of the couches, elbows on the table, sipping a drink through a straw.

"Good luck," Hanai whispered, patting his friend on the back. Abe took in what he hoped was an unnoticeable deep breath before he stepped into the room.

He sat on the couch opposite of Mihashi, the air already feeling tense and the fake leather of the seat sticking to his fingers. He glanced up at the other, who seemed just as nervous. He pulled back from his drink, but his lips were tight and his shoulders strained. They stared at each other for a short while.

"So-" Mihashi started.

"I-" Abe began at the same time.

They both paused and let out short, awkward laughs.

"You can go," Abe offered.

Mihashi nodded. He folded his arms on top of the table and exhaled heavily. "I told Nohara what happened."

Abe blinked several times, speechless. He had to tear his gaze away from the other and cough to conceal his surprise. It was hard for him to imagine Mihashi being able to openly tell a partner about something like that. "And?"

"He broke up with me."

"Oh."

Abe sat silently. He didn’t expect that, since Nohara had been the one who proposed the relationship in the beginning.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I mean, when I went home that night I felt like he already knew something had happened. But when I told him we only kissed, he seemed to be waiting for me to say we’d gone further."

"Like sex?" Abe’s eyebrows furrowed.

"Yeah, I think so."

"But why would he think we'd have sex? I mean, we didn’t do anything around him, right?"

Mihashi began to fidget, and sat on his hands. "I might have said something."

"Said what? When?"

"I'm not really sure. We-”

Mihashi cut himself off, turning away from Abe’s gaze. His hands balled into themselves on the table top.

“Nohara and I- we umm-” He buried his face in his hands so that when he spoke Abe could barely make out what he was saying. “We had sex. After karaoke.”

Abe couldn’t think of anything to say. To be honest, he was having a difficult time thinking of anything. Yeah the two had been dating, and were all over each other that night, but thinking that the shy, insecure, innocent teenage boy he had known being so intimate with anyone made him feel slightly uncomfortable. Not that it ever stopped him from getting off to the thought of doing it together when he was younger.

Mihashi pulled his hands away and Abe could see the deep red color of his face.  “I-I mean I was still pretty drunk and I don't remember exactly what happened. But the next morning he was looking at me oddly and avoiding me. I can only assume said that I said your name or something. When I told him I was going to your apartment he didn't say anything. I think he- I feel like he gave up on us? Maybe he thought… he thought he couldn’t compete with the childhood friend?"

"That's what it sounds like.” Abe recalled the night they had met. “But that's so weird, ‘cause he was being really possessive over you when I saw him. Like he was afraid I'd steal you away."

"Then whatever I said probably just confirmed his fears. He always tried to act macho, but’s he’s really not."

"A dog whose bark is worse than its bite."

They sat in silence, gazes looking down. Mihashi stirred his drink with his straw.

"So is he still here?"

"No, he went home. I've been staying in the hotel, trying to process everything that's happened.” He leaned his chin on the palm of his hand.

"Oh… "

That made sense. You probably wouldn’t want to be staying somewhere with your ex in the same room when you just broke up. That break up, though, no matter how much guilt Abe felt from thinking it, meant that he had a chance with Mihashi. "So, do you think we can try to be friends again?"

"No."

The firm and immediate answer caught Abe off guard.

"We can't be friends. That… that would break me."

Abe’s spirits fell and he slumped in his seat. It was selfish, but he wanted to be with Mihashi, even if it meant having to pretend his feelings for him didn't exist. He was prepared to leave and never have a chance to speak with him again. But then Mihashi continued.

"With everything that’s happened, I don’t think that we can be ‘just’ friends again.” Mihashi set his drink aside and straightened his back. He clutched at the hem of his shirt under the table, cleared his throat, and let out a big breath. “But that said, I’m not against us dating. I mean I- I still find you attractive and you, we don't really need to talk about that do we?"

It took Abe a moment before what the other was saying sunk in. He let out a slightly forced laugh, the rest of his body frozen and unmoving. "No, we don't."

“So, because of all of these feelings I think it would be best for us to simply, date, and learn about each other that way.” Mihashi let out a heavy, more shaky breath than he planned to.

“Like, straight to the point?”

“Straight to the point.” It was so unlike the Mihashi that he had known. The old one would have taken forever to make a decision and another forever to voice that decision. In that moment, Abe wished even harder that he had been able to witness his transformation instead of just the end product. It made him happy for the other, but it also unsettled him.

“To make it clear, that doesn’t mean that we’re going to ignore what happened in college. You hurt me deeply then, and it might take a bit before I really feel like I can trust you again. But I’m going to do my best to be understanding, and I hope that you do that for me as well.”

“Of course.” Abe agreed immediately, doing his best to keep himself from reaching over and clasping the other’s hands in his. He was reminded of hot summer days, a dull, constant ache in his muscles, and the feel of the boy’s pitches landing perfectly into his mitt. He was the one who noticed Mihashi’s talent, the first one that Mihashi felt safe to pitch to, the one whose clammy palms would be pressed tightly against his before every match, yet in the end, Abe betrayed him. Now, he would do anything to make Mihashi trust him once more.

The pitcher nodded and took a sip of his drink from the straw. An uncomfortable silence settled between them. Having come to an agreement, neither knew where to start. Mihashi scratched his cheek nervously. “I umm, do have some business stuff to take care of back home though with my retiring from baseball. And I do want to make some sort of amends with Nohara, so it might be a bit until we can really get together and _do_ anything.”

Abe raised his hands and waved them in front of his face frantically while slightly shaking his head. “Oh! No, that’s fine, yeah, that’s perfectly fine, I get it.”

A familiar crooked grin spread across Mihashi’s face and he looked bashfully into his lap for a moment before catching Abe’s eyes again. “Until then, maybe we can catch up first? Through texts and video chat and things like that?”

“Yes, that sounds great!” Abe nodded ‘yes’ wildly. The butterflies inside of his stomach fluttered around like crazy and he uncharacteristically began to babble. “How long will you be staying here? If it’s for a couple more days we could hang out again maybe? I mean, I have work during the day but at night I’m mostly free! Wait, except for Monday-Wednesday-Friday I have to coach then, but other than that I’m good! And you never mentioned where you’re living! I mean, I assumed Tokyo, but if it’s some place near here maybe we could hangout, or… or something?”

“I’m actually planning on leaving to Tokyo tomorrow morning. I… I really waited last minute, didn’t I? But I mean, we are kinda hanging out now, right? You could order something and we could start talking about… us.” Mihashi reached up and scratched behind his neck, glancing at the other for any positive reaction.

Abe smiled widely.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all, folks! I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
